Red Dead Redemption Expansion
by E-arth Duelist
Summary: New story by my friend, Morki18. Read this if you love crazy fun, humor and if you want to meet a new mascot. All of this...was made by Morki18. So he gets all the credit.
1. welcome to cholla springs

Red Dead Redemption Expansion

chapter 1 : welcome to Cholla Springs

Jerry, T.j and Kalvin sat in the back of Jerry's wagon Prince Wagonthon The 3rd. Don't ask what happened to the 1st and 2nd. And being forced to drive the wagon was Walker. "Hey Jerry what ever happened to Wagonthon 1 and 2?" T.j asked, as he played his fiddle suddenly

Jerry got a sorrowful look on his face remembering the day he lost his wagons. "So many bunnys" Jerry muttered, quickly changing the subject. Jerry asked walker "how much longer until we reach Armadillo?"

"Not much longer. I don't understand why we even need to go to that place" walker replied.

"For the bears" Kalvin said.

"oh no! I need to hide my supply of honey" Jerry said, locking his honey pot in a safe. "I mean beers" a obliviously drunk Kalvin corrected himself.

" hey Jerry! We got a hitch hiker up ahead" walker said.

" leave them" Jerry said.

"Its a lady" walker replied.

"Then stop quickly before she leaves." walker stopped the wagon a few feet form the hitch  
hiker. She was wearing a hooded robe that covered her face. Jerry jumped out of the wagon and ran to the woman.

" Hello beautiful want my telegram number?" Jerry said.

"Sure your wagon too" the lady said taking her robe off and revealing...

this is a public service announcement the scene changes to rattly the snake wearing a tie "The folks here at expansion do not condone running over bunnys with wagons, drinking beers or picking up hitch hikers unless they give you candy always say yes to candy."

scene changes to walker wearing a tie "us hear at expansion do not condone taking candy from strangers" walker said.

now back to the story

She took her robe off and revealed bandit cloths and a revolver and that she was a man. "ah i been deceived!" Jerry said before he fainted.

just kidding, she just wore man clothes. she was a women. 3 man bandits jumped out of the bushes carrying shotguns and wearing pink hats. the guns were pointed at the team. "You bunch of losers has just been robbed by the Cherry Mcphillten gang now leave the wagon or Daffodil and Violet will fill your holes "

"our what?"walker quickly replied terrified.

"I mean fill you with holes. i knew i should of took those class's that my dad told me to take. but no i had to go hang out with my friends ... cherry rambled on for 10 more minutes until walker finally said

"enough. you can have the stupid wagon just shut up!" walker yelled.

"you have basically bored T.j and Kalvin to death" walker said pointing to tj and Kalvin who were both passed out in the back of the wagon.

"oh, you are so mean" cherry said to walker.

"well you are so annoying " walker replied and before walker could rethink his decision cherry pistol whipped him knocking him out.

30 minutes later

The team was laying on the ground finally awake after there wagon jacking and standing over walker was the one and only Marsal Johnson on top of his white horse. "What on god's greens earth are you 4 doing laying on the side of the road?"Johnson said, stepping off his horse."well are any of you going to answer me or do i have to beat it out of ya?"

"No sir Marshall, don't beat us we are here because we were wagon jacked by Cherry Mcphillten and her gang" walker quickly speaking up.

"Really y'all's wagon was jacked by Cherry the daughter of the owner of Ridgewood farm?" Johnson asked.

"yes sir, by the way how old is she?"Jerry asked.

"Not that it really matters she's 20 but i wouldn't try to date her hank her brother is mighty protective" johnson said.

"what about my wagon Marshall?"Jerry asked.

"Its right down the road" Marshall Johnson said, pointing to it. "she likes to rob out of towners as a joke" Johnson said to Jerry.

"that's a really bad joke" walker said.

"well that's how these folks are all i can say is welcome to Cholla Springs."

the end

next chapter  
"why would you encourage Kalvine to fight a man over girl scout cookies"  
"wynaut"  
"what does that even mean"  
Jerry's about to speak but decides not to


	2. ku Fu bar fighting

Red Dead Redemption Expansion

chapter 2 : ku Fu bar fighting

Jerry , T.j and Kalvin were sitting in the Armadela saloon drinking the best brew in the cholla springs area .  
"So your saying in 80 years there will be this thing called trading cards games"Jerry asked T.J puzzled by the idea.  
"Yup and there will also be portable phones "T.j replied.  
"I think its time to cut you off " the bar keep said  
"Why im only drinking root beer" t.j replied.  
"Not you im talking to that snake at the end wearing the purple hat with a feather in it" the bar keep said the team all turned there .  
heads except for Jerry to look at the end of the bar.  
"Don't worry guys that' just Rattley my pet rattle snake"Jerry replied.  
"Aint those things kind of dangerous cant they cause brain damage"Tj asked Jerry.  
"no that's nonsense i been bit many times and no brain damage at all and by the way yous snake is that at the end of the bar"Jerry.

said to the before the team good repile a little girl approached Kalvin who was drinking his beer in silence.  
"excuse me mister would you like to buy some cookies from my girl scout troop" the girl scout asked sweetly to Kalvin  
"No and get lost " kalvin replied .  
The little girl ran to a really big man crying the girl said a few words to him that the team could not hear and pointed to kalvin the  
big man got up and walked over to kalvin.  
"Are you the yeller belly coward that yelled at my niece and refused to buy her cookies" the man know as skid Nash said  
"Why yes i am "kalvin said before turning around to see the man "And i am very sorry" Kalvin said after he seen the guy  
"I say we settle this like men unless you are a yellow belly" Nash said to kalvin it was obiust t that nash wanted a fight and knew it and him being the good friend he was decided to help kalven out.  
"kalvins no yellow belly he can take you any day cant he tj"jerry said  
"sure he can "tj agreed not wanting jerry to sick rattley on him who was now inces from him after t.j said that rattley slitherd back

to his stool and orderd another beer to which the bar keep refused and in return was bit however he lived because no one die's in this

story only severly injured to near death .

public service anoucnment  
scene changes to tj and his fidel wearing a tie  
"us here at expansion to not promote making a rattle snake attack your friends" before t.j could say anything else rattley charged at

him knocking over his fidel in the conmosin and breaking it "no it was my only one ... hunderft " tj cried.

back to story  
"your right i can " Kalvin said taking a swing at nash who ducked the attack that landed on another guy who in return punched the guy

next to him and a few seconds later it was pure chaos every one was fighting except for jerod and tj who were sitting back and

watching enjoying the choas even rattley manged to attack someone even if it was tj what can i say the snake has a problem.  
It was all over soon enougf when deputy marshall kim quiky came through the door and fired her gun in the air to stop the fight jerry

quickly hid behind the counter knowing of kims cruilty making her prisoners read books about vampires falling in love with humans the

horror that made jerry shiver.  
"who started this fight " Kim orderd . Rattley pointed to tj ,nash and Kalvin who were all taken to lock up except for jerry who

narrowly escaped

later at the armedlea inn  
"why would you encourage kalvine to fight a man over girl scout cookies" walker said.  
"wynaut" jerry repiled.  
"what does that even mean" walker asked.  
jerry's about to speak but decides not to  
" And tecnly it was because he yelled at a girl scout" jerry repiled "and by the way where were you this whole time"  
"I was waiting at the customer servie desk " walker  
"The what that aint invented yet here you just talk to the mistress and she gets you a room or company if you know what i mean"  
giggy a man said out of no wear.  
"so your telling me waited in the lobby for 4 hours for noting "  
"yup " jerry repiled  
"now more importantly how do we get tj and kalvin out of jail"walker asked jerry  
"well we could get them out or we could go see the new age medcin expo of mr. west dickens" jerry repiled  
" Oh cheese on bun " walker repiled.  
the end


	3. a fist full of elixer

red dead redemption

chapter 3: a fist full of elixer

"What the bacon batter are we going to do about Tj and Kalvin being locked up"walker asked.  
"Well see I already sent them help so we have noting to worry about rattly is on his way to the rescue" Jerry said proudly.  
"No he's not" walker corrected" he's sitting in his motel room watching soaps on t.v".  
"Whats a t.v ? "Jerry asked walker.  
Scene changes  
Rattly' in his room watching snakes of are life with no intend of helping Tj and Kalvin

back to Jerry and Walker  
"So i say since rattly will rescue them we will go to Nigel west dickens's demonstration in at pleasant house " Jerry said.

Now to Tj and Kalvin thought we wrote them out of the chapter didn't you then shame on you.

Both Tj and Kalvin were both in the Marshal's office in the jail cell along with Nash and big Jim a mountain man.  
"I swear once i get out of here i might do something that i might regret ".  
"Like what "tj eagerly asked kalvin.  
"Like ... like ... like writeing Kim a strong but hurtful letter" kalvin said .  
"You know you got pretty eyes" Big Jim said talking to tj.  
"Why thank you sir you do to".  
"well aint you just a sweet talker you got a partner yet" Big Jim asked Tj.  
"yes i do Kalvin here is my partner" Tj said pointing to Kalvin.  
"Aint they sweet how long have you to been together" Big Jim asked Tj.  
"Tj you dumb $$ not that kind of f #$&g partner" Kalvin angerly said to Tj  
"Then what kind of partner " Tj ponders on the thought for a bit then realized "O' buttery bunnys" Tj shouted .  
"So you don't have a partner" Big Jim said happily.  
"Back off Jim there with me"Nash said.  
"Well dang Nash why you get to have all the fun i only wanted him to polish my horn" Big Jim said as he pulled out a bugle horn.

Now to Jerry and walker.

both Jerry and walker were in the pleaslence house area and standing in front of them was Nigel west dickens Jerry and walker walked towards him.  
"well if it isn't a few genteel men in need of some of my miracle elixirs what will it be boys my n.w.d wood elixir "Nigel said holding up a bottle with a blue liquid"oh wait you genteel men are still young you don't have that problem" Nigel chuckled.  
"what about this one " Nigel said holding up a bottle with a clear liquid in it.  
"what is that Jerry asked  
"Why my dear boy this that is what the mountain men call moonshine cures many colds but has strong side effects would care for a taste"Nigel asked them who both declined.  
"The reason we are here is to get a job working for you"Jerry said.  
"We are " walker asked hearing this for the first time.  
"I suppose i could teach you boys a few tricks of the trade help me pack my wagon and you will start your apprenticeship" Nigel said.

back to tj and kalvin  
tj and kalvin were in there cell sleeping when out of a sudden they heard a blast and there cell wall collapsed .  
"Come on skid"said one of Nash's gang mates that poked his head through the hole in the wall.  
"Bought dang time Bart come on you 3 "Nash said to tj ,kalvin and Jim as he escaped the cell.  
"Kalvin are sure this is a good idea"tj asked.  
"wynaut"kalvin repied  
"good answer" tj said  
all five men were now out side and free they all saddled horse,s which were provided by bart the brain jinkson and heading to nash's hideout.  
"so Nash what do you do for a living"tj asked Nash  
"well buck im the leader of the buzzard gang"  
"The what" tj asked "and its tj not buck".  
"no your outlaw name is buck and kalvins is manslauter"nash said  
"why does kalvin get the cool name "a disappointed tj asked Nash  
"Ok alright simmer down and ill give you a better name your new name is rose"Nash said  
"What but why that is not manly at all" tj said  
"rose's are a strong flower with sharp thorns"Nash said  
"can i be called buck again"tj asked  
"I think rose suits you very well tj... but before kalvin could say anything else he screamed somthing got me as he fell off his horse and hot on the buzzard gangs tail was deputy marshal kim and the brutal bunch her gang of bounty hunter.  
"Take cover "Nash shouted they took cover behind a old brick wall .  
"someone needs to go back for kalvin"tj shouted over the sound of gun fire.  
"it to risky son kim has us pinned down its a suicide mission only a mad man would do it"Nash said.  
Well then i must be a mad man " tj said right before he ran to kalvin dodging bullet after bullet .  
"men give the madman some cover"Nash said to jim and bart instanly giving tj a new nick name.  
Tj ran over to a wounded kalvin who was behind a boulder"kalvin you alright"tj asked  
"i dont think im gonna make it"kalvin said  
"where they get you the gut the chest"  
"no worst they shot me in the butt"kalvin said  
Tj was about to reply until he looked up and seen that kim and the brutal bunch had them surrounded"looks like me the great deputy marshal kim has caught 2 members of the buzzard gang"a happy kim said .  
"you mean the brutal bunch caught them"morbist lantrasher the leader of the brutal bunch said Nash ceased fire not wanting to injure tj and kalvin.  
"what you mean we are a team" a surprised kim said .  
"I think not my dear Marshall the brutal bunch do not team with the law we did this because we knew you could lead us to good bounty's and i was right"morbist said as he pointed his gun at kim"boys tie these 3 up it time to visit Marshall Johnson to get some real money"morbist said with a sinter laugh at the end of the sentence.

"Nash we cant let them take manslaughter and madman buck rose"Bart said  
"I know that but they have 5 men and we only have 3 "Nash said  
"what intarnation is coming over that hill" Jim pointed to a wagon that was going at a fast pace heading towards the brutal bounce morbist turned his head muttered a few words then bam the horse and wagon hit all 5 members of the brutal bunch knocking them out and out of the wagon came Nigel"Jerry my dear boy you need work on your driving you ran over these poor rougains" sorry Nigel" Jerry replied .  
"kalvin and tj "walker shouted stepping out of the back of the wagon"why are you tied up" walker asked.  
"don't mind that just untie us "tj said" its along story and kalvin was shot in the butt".  
"not again "both walker and jerry said at the same time .  
"alright genteel men load up you two to "Nigel said pointing to kalvin and tj as the brutal bunch started to wake up but were quickly tied up by Kim who decided to let the team go" until next time " Kim shouted at the team as they rode in Nigel's wagon to unknown territory. 


	4. butt shooting

red dead redemption expansion chapter 4: butt shooting  
The team and Nigel stopped for camp right out side of armadela Nigel slept in the wagon and the team made a fire and had fun.  
"Alright somebody needs to tell me the story of how kalvin got shot in the but the first time"t.j said to anyone willing to tell the .

story and then he got his answer when Jerry started his tale.

The great butt shooting of when ever the hell it happened.  
Me and my good buddys kalvin,walker and hayley were in a saloon in black water me ,walker and kalvin were in a knife throwing contest.

against vick machino and two of his won the contest thanks to a palm catapult knife launcher thingy that hayley built us.  
"Take that vick"kalvin said barging and parading around which caused him to drop hayley's invention.  
"kalvin you idiot but shame on me for thinking you had the swift talents of a thief"hayley said  
"you a cheated me how out of big mount of dollar"vick said"now you pay"vick said as his men pulled out guns.  
"o peas on a pie plate " walker said losing his cool but i was cool the whole time because i knew hayley had a plan."  
"come on guys cant we talk about this" but before they could answer hayley threw down a smoke bomb that engulfed the room and the team

ran out side to my get away wagon prince wagon a thon kalvin took the driver seat of my sweet little wagon.  
We charged down the road vick and his gang of now 10 men was hot on are trail all in chariots and armed with revolvers hayley quickly .

pointed out that she added a gun rack to my with shotguns and a special not leatal ammo that she invented walker , hayley

and i armed with shotguns took aim."take that you you some mean word that i cant think of "walker said as he shot one of vicks men off

the chariots.  
Soon it was just vick and two of his men."you be finished soon "vick said in a chilling voice"come on miss tori " vick said and as he

said that a wagon being pulled by 6 horse's and carrying a Gatling gun in the shotgunner seat and a cannon on top it was cool in a

scary way vick jumped to the death macine to man the cannon ."kalvin can this thing move any faster "walker said as the Gatling gun

started up bullets hitting the body of my wagon.  
"I got a plan " Hayley said she quickly pressed a button that caused a metal wall to cover the back of the wagon.  
"what else did you add to this that your not telling us "walker asked  
"nothing hayley said quickly kicking away a box that read wagon spa 3000 that fell off the wagon and hit a familer looking guy with a

banjo that was sitting on the side of the road.  
"I hope we never end up traveling with that looser "i said now that i think about it i wonder who he was.  
"you boys are mine now"vick said  
"don't you mean my" walker shouted back  
"no he means mine "kalvin said pointing to a bunch of mines in the road.  
"kalvin hit the lever that says do not make in to a smoking pipe"hayley said  
"I wonder who that sign is for"kalvin shrugged then hit the lever that caused the wagon to jerk then jump up in the air 30 feet which

i might add was awesome the death wagon ran under are wagon hitting the mine and bringing it to a halt then are wagon crashed down on

top of vicks wagon destroying the d also destroying my poor lovely wagon we all walked out of the wagon in a daze when all of a

sudden i dropped my revolver which discharged and hit kalvin in the d that how kalvin got shot in the butt and how wagonthon was

destroyed.  
the end


	5. halloween special part 1

RED DEAD REDEMPTION EXPANSION  
HALLOWEEN spooky special PART ONE  
TERROR IN TALL TREES

"I cant believe the Marshall made me work with you two idiots"Kim complained sitting on her wagon with Jerry and walker  
"Hey !"Jerry replied.  
"I'm with Jerry on this walker replied me and him are not idiots".  
"She called me a idiot i thought she was talking about you and rattley because he has a phd"jerry said .  
"In what"kim replied .  
"In law hes a lawyer"Jerry replied.  
"Oh"Kim and walker said.  
The wagon came to a halt in the middle of the road stood a black horse with perching red eyes on top on the horse stood a headless

horse rider and in his hand he held a board axe the rider dismounted his horse and walked over towards the team rose his hand and some .

how said"you are the three that i been hunting for" and started to walk towards the team his board axe in hand.  
The team was frozen in fear as he approached he raised his axe .  
"please dont hurt us we dont want to die " both walker and jerry said.  
"Kill you why would I kill you i just wanted to know if you wanted to buy one of my swift cutting board axes i got a family that i

need to feed plus my little girl has a dance residel soon" the horse man said pointing to a picture of his normal looking wife and two

kids.  
"Oh then well take 3 "Kim said.  
"Yes now that i sold 3 i will be getting a head in the company"the horsemen said in his dark scary voice.  
"You mean a promotion"walker asked.  
"No a actual head the golden noggin award that's awarded to the top salesmen of the company" the horse men explained the team waved to

the horsemen and went on there way.  
"I cant believe we actually seen a horse man with no head"walker exclaimed "like whats next walker said as they waited at the rest stop in

tall trees for kim to get some supply from the store.  
"wouldn't it be awesome if we seen a big foot "jerry said.  
"that's stupid everyone knows Bigfoot doesn't exist" as walker said that he seen a large shadow over the wagon.  
"great grapefruit "walker exclaimed as he looked up to see that the shadow belonged to a large harry creature know as boisey o bonnel

just kidding it was less scary it was big foot.  
"holly crap "Jerry exclaimed staring excitedly at Bigfoot.  
suddenly the big beast jumped in to the driver seat of the wagon with jerry and walker in the back and took off down the road kim

running after them yelling.  
"i cant believe Bigfoot just wagon jacked us "walker said.  
"I know awesome aint it "jerry said as he sat in the front seat with Bigfoot.  
"wait a minute i know this guy "jerry said looking at the big foot and remembering a time that he saved a small harry creature from a

bear trap 10 years ago."fuzzy "jerry shouted happily the big harry creature suddenly remembered him and gave him a awesome knuckle bump.  
"wait you know him walker" said confused .  
"yup i saved him once from a bear trap in tall trees and for 2 years we were incepterble just like hons and chewie"jerry said  
"who" walker asked  
"never mind"Bigfoot said in a animalistic caveman like voice.  
"wait he talks walker" asked shocked.  
"yup taught him my self"jerry said but before he could finish a figure jumped out of the woods tackling him off the wagon and the

figure was a werewolf .  
"help "jerry screamed its trying to bite me"  
fuzzy quickly jumped off the wagon and pulled the wear wolf off jerry as he did that it morphed into its true from a beautiful women.  
"hey put her back "jerry jokenly saidsaid as he started to get up  
"my name is Natasha " she said walker quickly offered his hand to her "nice to meet you he said .she shook his hand then quickly

morphed bit his arm and took off in the woods.  
"oh chard cherrys he said "oh flatt flakes even my sayings are getting darker walker said .  
"don't worry i got a friend in black water that can fix you jerry said .  
the end


	6. halloween special part 2

RED DEAD REDEMPTION EXPANSION

A night in the pumpkin patch  
Tj and kalvin were in the pumpkin patch near armadillo they had orders to guard it from thief's.  
"I cant believe the Marshall doesn't trust the citizens of this area like who would steal a pumpkin"tj said.  
"I know right "kalvin said as he was trying to load a massive pumpkin into the back of the wagon"tj can you lend me a hand with this pumpkin".  
"Sure kalvin your not stealing this pumpkin are you"tj asked  
"No im getting it cleaned and dressed for the... governor mayor Halloween birthday bash"kalvin said obviously lying.  
"Wait if this is true how come i wasnt invited"tj asked  
"Because he hates banjos"kalvin quickly made up.  
"That monster"tj said.  
"Stop with that pumpkin that be my pumpkin "order a 3 foot tall goblin  
"Hey your in the wrong story you belong in the one about card games" tj said to the goblin  
"Hey im not that short " someone know as fire kid or flame boy what ever his name is said before he was grabbed by a giant arm and teleported a way.  
"Im done smoking "kalvin said throwing his pipe down and picking up a whisky jug in place of it.  
"Drop that pumpkin or aye willy the goblin will force you"willy said  
"like what are you going to do make this pumpkin into a monster and attack us "kalvin sarcasticly said.  
"That be better then my orgnial plan"willy said with a chuckle he said a few magic words the pumpkin sprouted vine like arms tree like legs grew eyes and a mouth and was now 10 feet tall.  
"O no "tj said "willy what do you want for this to stop tj asked as the monster swung a arm at him.  
"O let me think i want a jug of whiskey and a banjo"willy said.  
"No not my banjo anything but that"tj said as the monster grabbed kalvin and was about to eat him.  
"Either you give me the banjo or your friend dies"willy said  
"What should i do its my best friend or a guy that says hes my friend tj suddenly it must of been the magic in the air or smoke from kalvins pipe but tj's banjo transformed in to a ten foot wooden banjo carrying humanoid giant tiger that attacked the pumpkin monster breaking the pumpkin open and saving kalvin. She then picked up up willy the goblin and threw in to the moon or at least another expansion series.  
"You were going to choose a banjo over me kalvin yelled as the banjo became a banjo again .  
"Yup and here's your jug"tj said handing kalvin his jug.  
"I can never be mad at you my darling "kalvin said.  
"I can never be mad at you either kalvin"tj said.  
"Not you you dummy i was talking to my jug"kalvin said.  
THE END


End file.
